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#ptsd

21 posts21 participants2 posts today

I'm not sure how I feel about sharing my mental health and physical disability conditions and info or how much to do it in good taste.

On one hand I'm an extremely straight forward and obsessively honest person. I like sharing because it's genuinely just authentic for me and I also just have nothing to hide. In a way I'm doing it right now.
As well as, it's useful. Speaking up about disabilities can and does inspire others to feel more comfortable and confident about themselves, understanding they're not alone with their difficulties.

On the other hand, the victim card sickens me. I've had enough of being a victim. I've had enough of people feeling sorry for me and of identity based conversations saying that just because I have certain conditions it somehow gives me a greater right for attention or support when in reality so many people have massive difficulties that may not be as clearly diagnosable and still hugely impact their lives and the way they deal with failures and successes.

I am deeply grateful for the many people who have supported me because of my traumas, abuse, physical chronic illnesses and many trauma related mental disabilities. Empathy is powerful and when someone shares the least we can do is listen with open curiosity and kindness.

But if I keep emphasizing how much of a victim I am, I might just be a victim forever. If I keep inviting people to feel sorry for me, I might create a reality in which I'm forever weak. And is it my fault? No. But is it my responsibility to change it? Absofuckinglutely.

I'm already on this path but sometimes I stumble. Sometimes I still use the victim card with myself and others.

The line is thin but critical, between being aware and taking good care of my many disabilities, to letting them disable me completely, or even just, more than they must.

I may forever have times in which I'll suffer from OCD episodes, panic attacks, mental breakdowns and clinical depression. But I'll do my best to limit those symptoms as much as I possibly can and not allow them from avoiding me of a good life.

I will forever have NVLD, but instead of letting it define what I can or can not do, I'll find alternative ways to do and understand anything I need to achieve my goals.

I may forever suffer from IBD and anemia. But I'll do what I can to manage and if I find a way, heal. And as much as possible, as much as healthy, continue my life with those illnesses, and aspire for joy and health as much as anybody else.

I won't beg for government support of any kind, I'll never take a loan ever in my life, I won't depend mentally on loved ones. I know others may have to. I had times in which I had to as well. But as long as I can change my mindset and health to be more capable of full independence, I place my responsibility and focus on doing so.

I'm a fully independent business owner and I am happy. Inconsistently happy, struggling but happy, overly stressed but happy. In love and happy, studying and working what I love and happy. Living a very strange reality impacted by war but happy. And yes, I have illnesses. And yes, I have many disabilities. But as for my identity, I can recognize my illnesses and take care of them, but I am healthy, I am not ill. I can acknowledge and understand my disabilities, I have many differences and many things I can do better than others naturally and many that I am naturally a lot worse at than most people. But I am not disabled. In fact, I'm completely capable of reaching my goals, it just requires different ways which I'm creative enough to figure out.

It's very hard. It's mind shattering sometimes. It's my body crumbling other times. But it's the truth.

So here I give up my victim card in society and in front of myself and consider myself an equally capable human being.

Capable of artistic, financial and wellness growth.

Capable of everything I want, but most importantly - capable of good influence on others through art.

Yours,
Emmanuelle

I finally had enough evidence & reported my ex-wife in Thailand for abusing our kids, for which her family attacked me. I refused to leave until the Thai gov't stepped in to protect my babies, but, in exchange, I was arrested, spent a month in prison, and was deported.

Been out for a month, but still f-ed up in the head. I don't feel human anymore.

Anyone else ever experience this?

:boost_ok: MUTUAL AID POST 230/500 :boost_ok:

I'm Sky, an #indigenous #nonbinary #transfem living in rural #Virginia

my partners, our son, and I need help

my partners are #disabled and entirely unable to work

I have #autism and #adhd (as well as #ptsd from being violently hate-crimed) but I still manage to hold a full-time job, but it doesn't pay enough

my water bill is almost three months late, I need $300 for it

I also need $100 for rent (I have the $500 due Sunday, but I still owe $100 for November)

I'll also need some additional money for food, as they cut back our food stamps

my goal is $500

please, if you can spare anything to send our way, we'd be so grateful

also, boost for visibility (thanks!) :boostRequest:

paypal.com/paypalme/tsbarnes
cash.app/tskybarnes
ko-fi.com/skybarnes

PayPal.MePayez Thea Barnes avec PayPal.MeRendez-vous sur PayPal.Me/tsbarnes et saisissez le montant. C'est signé PayPal, donc c'est simple et sécurisé. Vous n'avez pas de compte PayPal ? Pas de problème.

:boost_ok: MUTUAL AID POST 0/500 :boost_ok:

I'm Sky, an #indigneous
#nonbinary #transfem living in rural #Virginia

my partners, our son, and I need help

my partners are #disabled and entirely unable to work

I have #autism and #adhd (as well as #ptsd from being violently hate-crimed) but I still manage to hold a full-time job, but it doesn't pay enough

my water bill is almost three months late, I need $300 for it

I also need $100 for rent (I have the $500 due Sunday, but I still owe $100 for November)

I'll also need some additional money for food, as they cut back our food stamps

my goal is $500

please, if you can spare anything to send our way, we'd be so grateful

also, boost for visibility (thanks!) :boostRequest:

paypal.com/paypalme/tsbarnes
cash.app/$tskybarnes
ko-fi.com/skybarnes

PayPal.MePayez Thea Barnes avec PayPal.MeRendez-vous sur PayPal.Me/tsbarnes et saisissez le montant. C'est signé PayPal, donc c'est simple et sécurisé. Vous n'avez pas de compte PayPal ? Pas de problème.

PTSD: Season of Darkness

Feeling alone even though you're not. That's just one of the delightful things that one may experience after trauma. When our inner being finally knows it's safe, the flood of emotion is like a tide washing over, consuming every ounce of strength, just to keep your head above the water line.

Another benefit of PTSD is not being able to put things into words easily, or at all. A dryness that makes you feel like you drank a glass of sand. I wanted to write about the entitled subject matter, but I guess I'll leave it to the Hip and try another time. Consider this part one. Today, I'm just a boy lost in Fiddler's Green.

"Fiddler's Green" by The Tragically Hip: youtube.com/watch?v=eWXUYCKHHp

Report: At least six Israeli soldiers have taken their own lives in recent months, but the actual number of suicides may be far higher.

1000s of soldiers have sought help from military mental health clinics, with around one-third showing symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder.

aje.io/xne9tn?update=3342590

Are the symptoms related to guilt & shame - up from the depths of the mind paralysed by decades of training in dehumanising Palestinians?

#PTSD #IsraeliSoldiers #GazaGenocide #Lebanon #US .

Continued thread

Back in the late 80s

I'm still dealing with an the physical/medical issues from that incident. It cost me around $200,000, remember this was back when insurance companies denied you coverage for existing conditions

Now that I'm aged and have a few other trauma, I'm dealing with #chronicpain and Complex #PTSD

Oh the reason they took my comp license was because I was deemed uninsurable by the sanctioning body

Now I just want one last chance on the track. Not racing since I'm no good now

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Driven

Ok I'm going to stop watching this movie, not because it's incredibly bad, but because it's setting of my #PTSD

I used to love going to the #CART #indycar races and knew many of the teams, their drivers, owners and sponsors

It was still a dream I had to get to that level. I got help from some of the top drivers to help me get better/more competitive

But then Mid-Ohio happened and they found out all the injuries I was hiding from when I was killed 🧵👇🏼

en.m.wikipedia.orgDriven (2001 film) - Wikipedia

Day two of the #PTSD flashbacks. Last night was less difficult to deal with, and I'm hopeful that my brain will return to normally scheduled shenanigans soon.

I know where the ghosts that are seeping into the present from the past are coming from, and it links broadly to boundary violations that have increased. I'm trying to speak in broad strokes because no matter what I do... [sigh]

I'm not okay, but I will be. It just takes time.

Between a migraine and #PTSD flashback early this morning, it's been a shit show.

It is important to remember that having a public profile does not negate the expectation of personal boundaries, and it crosses a line into creepy territory when people don't respect that.